I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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