doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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