my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
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What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
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