Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize