I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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