dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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