My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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