After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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