im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize