he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize