"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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