I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
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If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
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You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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