He had one of those small greek statue penises
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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