i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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