My balls are so social today.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
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He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
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I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Ladies don't puke and tell
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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