he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
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I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
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I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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