I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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