I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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