I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize