I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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