well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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