oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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