..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
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lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
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I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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