god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize