dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
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And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
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But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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