Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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