i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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