we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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