at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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