this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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