Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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