Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
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If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
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You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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