thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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