His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
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Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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