My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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