worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
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PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
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He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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