it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
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Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
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Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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