I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
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That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
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He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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