i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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