god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
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I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
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HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize