My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
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My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
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Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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