can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Jerry, you need to find god
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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