he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
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Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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