Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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