So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
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if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
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When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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