I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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