I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize