I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
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she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
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How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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