it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
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After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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