she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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